Sunday, November 22, 2009

15 Things that Make Me Angry

Essentially, what I'm trying to do here is write out my frustrations. I seem to have lots of them. I seriously have to watch my oil pressure. I'm surprised there aren't jets of steam coming out of my ears sometimes.
One thing that often helps to soothe the savage mind is making lists. So, here's a list of things that piss me off:

1) Lame-ass remarks on the web that are supposed to be cute and clever ways of getting sex, but they're only cute and/or clever in the minds of those who compose them. Which leads us to,
2) Mental midgets whose brainpower would be increased by having one of those hamster-wheels hooked up to their heads. Even a SLOW hamster would be an improvement. Shit, even a DEAD hamster could at least swing back and forth a little and produce SOME current.

3) Politicians. Any and all.

4) Muscleheaded jocks who don't have the ability to engage in verbal repartee or even peaceable discussion, so they beat the shit out of anyone who looks, thinks, acts, talks, or smells a little differently from what passes in their minds for "the Norm;" these selfsame jocks are the entities that spawn Columbine-like reactions, and have the AUDACITY to look SURPRISED when somebody wants to shoot that smug look off their faces.

5) Stupid neo-nazi-wannabe kids with no coping mechanisms who think a bunch of guns and plastique is gonna solve anything, or that Hitler was anything but a maniac who should have been shot up with thorazine and locked in one of his own concentration camps, but like the gutless phony he was he took the coward's way out.

6) Muscleheaded jocks and stupid neo-nazi-wannabe kids who grow up and either become soldiers or cops so they can continue their barbarism and total ethical meltdown on even larger scales.

7) Oblivious fat people in supermarkets who look at YOU like it's YOUR fault they're walking around creating impact tremors like Jurassic Park as you try to squeeze past one of their elephantine buttocks just to get some fucking BREAD while they're moseying around buying diet soda to eat with their 500-pound lardburgers, or deciding which fat-free dressing to top off their salad with (said salad loaded with more cheese, ham, pepperoni, and anything else greasy and fattening that can be put into a salad and still be considered a salad).

8) Anorexic yuppie chicks who think that Barbie is overweight, and so they compensate by making themselves so damn thin a strong wind would snap them into, but they don't have to worry because they'll be DEAD from NOT EATING long before a strong enough wind comes along, unless Rush Limbaugh starts talking to them.

9) Rush Limbaugh. The very IDEA.

10) When my mother calls me "paranoid," as if that's an excuse to avoid admitting that there are some things out there, PARTICULARLY with regards to the government and big business, that one should be suspicious about. They're not out to get "me," they're just out to get EVERYONE.

11) People with a knee-jerk first response tendency to MEDICATE in order to solve whatever perceived mental/emotional problems they may have. Big surprise: when people do shitty things, they're SUPPOSED to feel like shit. And just because your kid's mind is moving faster than yours is no excuse to dope them up with ritalin. And when you act so HORRIFIED that somebody is smoking pot, you'd have a fit of the screaming heebie-jeebies if you couldn't get a refill on your valium prescription (which is an ADDICTION).

12) People who favor one "brand" of politician over another (see above under "politicians.") If you have to choose between the "lesser of two evils," THEY'RE STILL BOTH EVILS.

13) Racists. Any and all.

14) "Officers of the peace" and/or "peace-keeping operations," which are Orwellian neologisms for "forces of oppression" and "Hi, i'm a cop, i'm going to kick your ass and get away with it!" And, finally,

15) Making a list of things that make me angry in order to calm me down, only to find out that i'm more angry than i was when i started it!

Now THAT was a total waste of time.

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